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A lighter/nastier take on last night’s results

Mitt Romney shaking hands with supporters after speaking at his Colorado caucus night rally.

In case you are an insensitive boor who takes pleasure in the misfortune of others, here is a portion of satirist Andy Borowitz’s emailed account of last night’s Romney/Santorum etc. results. (I’ve left out the paragraphs that have cursewords in them.)

“DENVER (The Borowitz Report) – Exit polls from last night’s Republican contests reveal that former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney’s key obstacle to gaining the GOP nomination is the fact that voters cannot stand him…

… Exit polls taken last night bear out that theory, with a majority of voters agreeing with the statement, ‘I think Mitt Romney is so odious, I would rather vote for a random doofus I’ve never heard of who goes around in sweater vests.’

The beneficiary of that sentiment last night was former Sen. Rick Santorum, who told supporters at a victory rally in Missouri, ‘I support the rights of the unborn child until it’s born and wants a gay marriage.’

Speaking to supporters in Denver, Mr. Romney uttered what some political experts are calling a possible gaffe: ‘I don’t care about all the people who didn’t vote for me.  They just envy my massive wealth.  And poor people?  They can curl up die, and I won’t lose a wink of sleep.  I bet you a million crisp dollars from my vault in Geneva.'”

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