Borowitz satire: Citigroup to move HQ to floor of U.S. House

Writing for the New Yorker, satirist Andy Borowitz breaks the fake news that Citigroup has leased space on the House floor so it can stop running back and forth from New York to tell Congress what it wants.

Comments (6)

  1. Submitted by Ray Schoch on 12/13/2014 - 06:37 pm.

    HQ Move

    Seems awfully expensive. I bet they could just send emails to House and Senate members that say, “Vote THIS way.” They’d be just as effective, but with a far smaller hit on the shareholder dividend…

  2. Submitted by Dennis Tester on 12/13/2014 - 09:08 pm.

    The White House would be even better

    Obama’s former budget director, Peter Orzag, currently works there as a vice chairman of corporate and investment banking. Obama’s current Treasury Secretary, Jack Lew, is a former Citigroup executive.

    Citigroup is also one of the largest donors to Hillary Clinton over the course of her political career. The financial firm was Clinton’s top donor during her time as Senator, contributing more than $780,000. During her 2008 presidential run, Citigroup PACs and employees contributed more than $400,000 to Clinton’s campaign.

    Citigroup paid Bill Clinton $700,000 to give four speeches between 2004 and 2007.

  3. Submitted by Paul Brandon on 12/14/2014 - 11:36 am.

    Saudi’s

    Citigroup is also partially owned by the Saudi family, whose connections to the Bush family and its retainers are well known. Al-Waleed bin Talal bin Abdulaziz al Saud is the biggest single shareholder. He holds about 15% outright, and possibly more indirectly.
    I suspect that Citigroup is an equal opportunity donor.
    They buy a share in anyone who might be able to help them at some time in the future. It’s called hedging your bets.

  4. Submitted by Neal Rovick on 12/14/2014 - 12:26 pm.

    Green also spoke to political operatives who outlined the challenges Bush’s portfolio could pose for him.

    “Running as the second coming of Mitt Romney is not a credential that’s going to play anywhere, with Republicans or Democrats,” GOP consultant John Brabender said. “Not only would this be problematic on the campaign trail, I think it also signals someone who isn’t seriously looking at the presidency or he wouldn’t have gone down this path.”

    According to the report, records list Bush as chairman and manager of BH Global Aviation, which is incorporated in the United Kingdom and raised $61 million in September. He’s also “chairman of a $26 million fund, BH Logistics, established in April with backing from a Chinese conglomerate, and a $40 million fund involved in shale oil exploration.”

    It’s relatively uncommon for businessmen to raise millions of dollars only to quickly turn around and abandon his or her recent investors, as would likely be necessary to run a presidential campaign free of conflicts of interest. On the other hand, Bush has reportedly been laying the groundwork for a White House bid, including making “secret visits” to Wall Street donors.

    Bush spokeswoman Kristy Campbell insisted to Businessweek his financial interests would not get in the way of his political ambitions.

    Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/jeb-bushs-investments-could-signal-he-wont-run-2014-12#ixzz3Ltjy7pfZ

  5. Submitted by Hiram Foster on 12/14/2014 - 01:20 pm.

    Space on the House floor might come rather cheap since as viewer of CSpan know, it’s rarely used.

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