MinnRoast lyrics ‘revealed’

MinnPost photo by Jana Freiband
Al Sicherman and Debbie Irestone performing "Some Hacker Stole My PIN" at MinnRoast 2014.

In response to lots of requests — true! — from MinnRoast attendees, we are posting lyrics from this year’s show. Enjoy. 

MinnRoast revenues contribute almost 10% of MinnPost’s annual budget. Please support independent journalism by making a donation to the MinnRoast 2014 special appeal. Donations in the amount of your choice can be made here.

OVER HERE!
Lyrics by Al Sicherman
Original tune: “Over There”

Minnesota’s off’ring deals, and appeals, to big wheels
Locate in our state, we’ll create a tax rebate,
We’ll divert a major road
Or bypass a zoning code

Over Here! Over Here!
Build your plant! Move your plant! Over Here!
Cuz we’re outright committing to do your bidding 
And we’re not kidding over here!

Financier! Let’s be clear!
Don’t be rash! We’ve got cash, over here!
And we’ll be pleading until we’re bleeding
Though it costs so much that the benefit’s unclear!

Think about our state, it’s so great for your freight
We’ll host the Super Bowl or the talks on Arms Control
We have got first-class health care
How about the next World’s Fair?

Over Here! Over Here!
Build your plant! Move your plant! Over Here!
Cuz we’re outright committing to do your bidding 
And we’re not kidding over here! 

Financier! Let’s be clear!
Don’t be rash! We’ve got cash, over here!
It will be bumming if you’re not coming
But if you can’t deal now, we’ll be back next fiscal year!                       

 

NORTH WOODS MINING
Lyrics by Al Sicherman
Original tune: “Camelot”

A law was made a distant moon ago here:
We want pollution minimized — and yet
There’s jobs and a big industry to grow here
It’s Polymet

A copper mine would please the Iron Rangers
The region’s economically beset
But they’re not inattentive to the dangers
Of Polymet

Polymet!  Polymet!
There might well be a liberal brawl
Cuz on Polymet, Polymet
There is no easy call

A blue-collar environmental axis
Has backed the DFL on many goals
And so the GOP 
Would dearly love to see
A jobs-pollution argument take hold
on Polymet

  

SOME HACKER STOLE MY PIN
Lyrics by Al Sicherman
Original tune: “Somebody Stole My Gal”

Some hacker stole my PIN
Some hacker stole my PIN
Somebody pawed through Target’s mainframe
They did their best while I was a “Guest” and
Those numbers I held dear
They’re selling now, I fear   
I shrug, I know they’re thugs,
But if they could plug that Heartbleed bug
I’d hire them to start right in,
Those guys who stole my PIN.

 

TWIN CITIES TRANSPORTATION BLUES
Lyrics by Jill Field
Original tune: “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore”

I spent most of last year
Stuck on 694
Moving to the south metro
Don’t get around much anymore

Thought I’d take the light rail
But the wait’s such a bore
Till they tunnel through Kenwood
Won’t get around much anymore

Well darling, I guess I’ll stick to my car
But nevertheless I’ll hope I don’t have to go far 

Survived a polar vortex
Didn’t go out the door
When you live in the tundra
Don’t get around much anymore

Darling, I guess I’ll try to be glad
But now looking back those old streetcars don’t seem so bad

So I’ll just catch a flight
Though Northwest is no more
I’ll change planes in Atlanta
Or I won’t get around much anymore

Y-NSA?

Lyrics by Laurie Kramer
Original tune: “YMCA”

Young man, please stop snooping on me
I said young man, please protect priv – a – cy
I said young man, it’s as clear as can be
You have got no business listening

Young man, when I’m calling my kid
With good reason, sometimes flipping my lid
Or my girlfriend, who I like keeping hid
You have got no business listening

And now I’m asking you, why NSA?
Why NSA…?
Leave my family alone
Let my life be my own
Get your data bank off my phone


MNSURE YOURSELF
Lyrics by Corey Anderson
Original tune: “Consider Yourself”

MNSure yourself from home
MNSure yourself, and your family
We’ve built this site so wrong
It’s clear, it’s going to take too long

Consider yourself on hold
Consider yourself on a waiting list
There isn’t the time to spare
Who cares? You’ll eventually get healthcare!

If it should chance to be
That you see
Blocked artery ways
Leaky bladder days
Why grouse?
Always-a-chance you’ll get
Somebody 
To foot the bill
With just a click of your mouse!

To insure yourself, old mate
You’ve got to go through some fuss
For after all the machinations by our state
Consider your health
Safe with us!


SIXTEEN PANS
Lyrics by Al Sicherman
Original tune: “Sixteen Tons”

Some people say a job needn’t pay much at all
They can’t seem to picture living close to the wall
It’s simple economics, they explain through their sobs
If your pay increases that just means fewer jobs

You scrub sixteen pans, and what do you make?
Less’n ten bucks an hour and a ten-minute break
Be thankful when there’s movement on the government stage
If you’re tryin’ to earn a living on the minimum wage!


WE’LL NEVER BE LAWYERS
Lyrics by Joe Kimball
Original tune: “Royals” by Lorde

We’ll never get hired at full time jobs
We cut our teeth on writing blogs, and on Twitter
And we’re proud of being new-school
In the torn-up world, with online envy

And everybody’s like one-source, quick-hit, tweetin’ in the bathroom
Bluetooth keyboard, tappin’ on the IPad
We don’t care, we’re writing resumes in our dreams
And everyone’s like Facebook, Snapchat, chatting from your iPhone
Tablets, Android, posting in the comments
We don’t care. We sure need a new career

But we’ll never be Lawyers (lawyers)
It don’t run in our blood
That kind of job just ain’t for us
We crave a different kind of buzz

Let us brew your coffee, Coffee
Or hire us to watch your kids
We’ll stay in school, in school, in school
And get another darn degree


THE CANDIDATE’S LAMENT
Lyrics by Lee Lynch
Original tune: “You’ve Got a Friend” by Carole King

When you’re running for high office
And you know you’ll need lots of cash
And nothing, whoa, no nothing is coming in 

Then you just call all of your friends
And you know wherever they are
They’ll avoid you, won’t see them again

Winter, spring, summer and fall
All you got to do is call

Ring Ring 1:  Call from Arne Carlson

Arne thanks for your support, but what I really need is your money!

Winter spring summer or fall
All you got to do is call

And they’ll be there
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I need the dough 

Ring Ring 2: Call from Tom Horner

I’ve just called all that I knew
And I’m down to just a few
I’m so tired
Won’t do this again

This money begging is so strange
This system has just got to change

Winter spring summer or fall
All you got to do is call 

Ring Ring 3: Call from Mom

If anyone out there is even thinking of running for office, think again because
You’ll not have a friend
Not even one friend
Not even one friend

Winter spring summer or fall 
All you got to do is call….
All you got to do is call

 

NOW THAT WE’RE A RICH STATE
Lyrics by Marlys Harris
Original tune: “If I Were a Rich Man”

Dear God, the recession made many, many states poor.
It’s no shame to be poor, of course, but a billion-dollar budget surplus is an honor – one that we have brought upon ourselves:

Now that we’re a rich state
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All day long we can biddy biddy bum
Now that we’re a wealthy state

We shouldn’t have to tax much
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
Now that we’re a billion billion rich
Idle diddle daidle daidle state.

We’ll build a big train system right from the cities
Out to Mankato and beyond
A wine bar to put passengers at their ease,
There would be deep fat sofas, so nice to sit in
And cushions even softer full of down
And snack trays filled with lefse, ham and cheese

We’ll fill our lakes with sailboats, pontoons and yachts — all
Free for everyone to use
Funding pre-K for toddlers just can’t wait
We’ll fix the highways and stud the bridges with jewels
And build ten thousand brand-new schools 
To make it clear we are a wealthy state

Now that we’re a rich state
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All day long we’ll biddy biddy bum
Now that we’re a wealthy state

We shouldn’t have to tax much
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
Now that we’re a billion billion rich
Idle diddle daidle daidle state.

We see our neighbor Wisconsin looking like a pauper
With its budget in the red
Slashing teachers’ pensions to get by
Those Badgers slinking round like beggars in the street — oh
BOY, what a happy time’s ahead
Watching Cheeseheads wail and moan and cry

Now we’re rich, we have the time that we lacked
To nap by Minnetonka Bay
And hold court at a café down in St. Paul
Where we’d sip lattes and discuss public policy several hours every day
That would be the sweetest thing of all

Now that we’re a rich state
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All day long we’d boodle boddle boo
Now that we’re a wealthy state

We shouldn’t have to tax much
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
Now that we’re a billion billion rich
Idle diddle daidle daidle state. 

Lord who made the lowly and the great,
You decreed how everyone will rate
You have set our true eternal fate
By making us a wealthy state!

You can also learn about all our free newsletter options.

No comments yet

Leave a Reply