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Shutdown satire: Unable to resolve budget, Minnesota merges with Iowa

In an Onion-like article that ran in the Huffington Post, Al Eisele says that Minnesota leaders were unable to resolve the budget crisis, and instead merged with Iowa.

The result, Iowasota.

It starts:

St. Paul – Minnesota Gov. Mark Dayton (D) and leaders of the Republican-controlled state legislature, conceding that they are no longer able to effectively govern, announced today that Minnesota will merge with Iowa to create the new state of Iowasota.

The startling announcement came as Minnesota entered its second full week of an unprecedented shutdown of all non-essential state services with no end in sight after Dayton and Republican lawmakers once again failed to agree on a budget for the new fiscal year.

Writer Eisele has lots of Minnesota connections and has written for MinnPost. He was a Washington correspondent for the St. Paul Dispatch and Pioneer Press and then press secretary to Vice President Walter F. Mondale. He’s now an editor-at-large of The Hill.

The made-up quotes might be the best part of the piece:

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D), who is running for reelection in 2012 said she was confident she could beat Iowa Democrat Tom Harkin when his term expires in 2012, while Sen. Al Franken (D) called the decision to merge with Iowa “the biggest joke I’ve heard since I was on Saturday Night Live.

But Rep. Michele Bachmann, who is seeking the Republican presidential nomination, welcomed the decision, saying, “I was born in Iowa and this will definitely help me in next month’s Iowa Straw Poll” of likely GOP voters.

Not surprisingly, many Minnesotans expressed outrage that their state will lose its identity after merging with its smaller neighbor to the south. “We have 10,000 lakes, Garrison Keiller and the Mayo Clinic,” said Joe Schimmelbeck, a tavern owner in the central Minnesota town of St. Joseph. “What the hell does Iowa have except Chuck Grassley and a lot of corn and hogs?”

Hjalmer Swenson, a Minneapolis bus driver and avid sports fan, was even more critical. “If they think we’re going to start calling them the Iowasota Twins and Iowasota Vikings, they’re crazy.”

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