Help choose the best Swifty (selectively)

Verse or Worsifiers hit their stride in this week’s competition, in which they were asked to produce Tom Swifties — on any fairly recent event.

Your genial host, stung by recent complaints that his challenges were too difficult, not only offered that very wide field of topics on which to Swiftify, he also stretched the definition of Tom Swifties. He allowed not only the standard version — puns based on the adverb after “said Tom” (like “I’m sure I’ll love my new job de-feathering chickens,” said Tom pluckily) — but also puns based on a synonym for “said” (for example “I’ve gone over it again, and it’s still 17 yeas and 16 nays,” recounted Tom). 

Your genial host hasn’t kept close track of entries over the decades, but this week’s was easily the largest field, most of the folks offering more than one Swifty. (Up to five were allowed.)

It isn’t particularly clear to your genial host why, given the almost unlimited range of possible topics, a large chunk of the submitted Swifties were political, nor why most of those were unpleasantly partisan (as opposed to amusingly partisan). But he’s pretty sure it doesn’t bode well for civility in the coming election. 

Here, anyway, are your genial host’s selections as the five best entries. Your task is to vote for one, thus deciding which of the five contenders will walk away with a hauntingly adverbial MinnPost T-shirt.

Vote for your favorite down where it says “here.”

“Green Bay’s quarterback has retired!” Tom announced brettlessly. — Cathleen Cotter

“Don’t worry about human rights, just enjoy the food” said Wen Jiabao wantonly. — Chuck Carlin

“This budget debate is off track,” railed Tim. — Brad Redlin

“The Vikings will not be sorry they chose Jared Allen!” Tom said defensively. — Barbara Miller

“MinnPost is full of St. Paul writers who used to work in the dead-tree media,” expressed Tom. – Ervin Stembol

Cast your vote for the winner by clicking here. Voting ends at 5 p.m. Thursday, May 8. On Monday, May 12, we’ll announce winner of the strikingly nice MinnPost T-shirt — and a new competition. 

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